


'The Tide'

by Icefire87



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cutting, Depressed Niall, Depression, Drowning, M/M, Self-Harm, Smut, Suicide Attempt, Water
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-28 18:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19399675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icefire87/pseuds/Icefire87
Summary: A very edgy smut story between Harry & Niall.Niall's mind is just getting darker and darker, eventually, he gets pushed over the edge, and it's all because of his crush on Harry.





	'The Tide'

**Author's Note:**

> ~TRIGGER WARNING~  
> ~SELF HARM/SUICIDE WARNING~  
> ~PLEASE DON'T READ IT IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT~  
> ~PLEASE READ THE WHOLE THING IN ONE SHOT~  
> ~BE SAFE PLEASE~  
> ~Also it looks long but reads fast~  
> ~Heh, the title seems stupid now. It'll make sense later~

"I'm fine, I swear I mean it guys," I said, they all looked at me, each of their eyes worried. 

"Niall are you sure?" Louis said, sensing my hurt.

"Yeah, I'll be alright," I said to them, my voice barely a whisper. I realized my acting would have to get better, so I put on a fake smile and closed my eyes.

"I'm fine, I'll see you guys tomorrow," I said, my voice wavering far less.

"Don't think we're going to forget about this Niall. If you need anything, we're here." Zayn said, he almost seemed like he wanted to hug me, but he didn't.

"Yeah," Liam said, his voice was uncharacteristically soft and sweet.

Harry only nodded, but the look in his emerald eyes said it all. I'd hurt him by being silent, and it was bad enough to almost send me into tears.

"Okay…" I said, my voice fading into a whisper again.

"Well it's 9, you should guys probably get going…" I said to them, nodding.

"Guess so…" Zayn said. Hesitantly, each of them left. Harry was the last to leave. He looked back at me just before the door closed. I was positive he saw some tears slide down my cheek, but even if he did, he closed the door quickly.

I broke down the second he left.  _ I can’t take it! Niall you idiot! The hell are you doing breaking down in front of them like that!  _ Unreal voices kept screaming at me. I wanted- no Needed them to stop. I tried to think about things that made me happy. I thought about our band and performing in front of a crowd of people calling our names. But, thinking about the band only made me feel worse.

I wanted to tell my friends what was wrong, everything had just come crashing down on me. I didn’t have the bravery to tell anyone, especially Harry.  _ Coward!  _ The thought ran through my mind, over and over.  _ Coward!  _ The tears wouldn’t stop. I instantly caught sight of the knives on the table.  _ Do it!  _ I guess there is something wrong with me…

I slid the knife over my wrist, blood pooled and slowly dripped down my arm. I started shaking again, as I did every time. This one was deeper, standing out from the other unhealed cuts. A dark thought sliced through my mind. 

_ Haha… I have tattoos now guys.  _

I eventually managed to stop, I was still shaking and I dropped the knife at my feet and stumbled up the stairs to my room, my head feeling so cloudy I couldn’t think. 

The rest of the day passed as numb and cold as always until the boys came over. We were working on our songs, but I got up to get myself a bottle of whiskey. In small amounts, it seemed to clear my head. I left the small study we were using and went to the kitchen. The knife was still on the floor. I picked it up at set it on the counter, a wave of nervous energy rushed through me. I quickly grabbed a bottle and turned around to see Harry facing me. 

“Niall, talk to me would you?” 

“Huh?” I said, feigning innocence.

“Okay, answer me this, Niall why are you wearing long sleeve?” 

“I’m cold,” I answered as calmly as I could manage. 

“It’s June” He answered. 

Before I knew what was happening, he grabbed my arm and lifted the sleeve, showing all the cuts. 

“N-Ni” He seemed shocked. I quickly broke his grip and bit my lip, hard. 

“I-it’s not really that bad,” I said, trying to comfort him.

“Niall… Why don’t you tell me what's wrong? I don’t like seeing you like this.” His eyes shone with empathy. 

He got closer to me, pushing me back against the wall. 

“Niall, please. Tell me what’s wrong?” 

I paused for a moment.  _ What was I supposed to tell him? What finally sent me over the edge was my love for him? _

“It’s a lot of things, just, don’t worry about me. I’m fine.” 

“That’s a lie, and you know it.” 

“I-I…” I stuttered while he stared at me. 

“Would it make you feel better if I kissed you?” He said with a strange smile playing on his lips. 

“H-harry…? How did you know I…” I was silenced by his lips which pushed me further against the wall. My head cleared some and for the first time in a long time, I felt happy again.

I kissed him back, savouring his warm tongue against mine, his tongue licking and filling voids that had been left untouched for so long. I never wanted it to end. 

But of course, it had to. 

“How did I know? You should see the way you blush Ni, It’s so obvious” he ran his fingers through my hair. 

I felt a little better, enough so I slid down the wall to his feet. 

He reached out his hand to me, offering to pull me up. I took it and stood up and looked into his kind eyes.

He pulled up my shirt sleeve and licked the dried cuts. “It’ll get better okay?” He said, continuing to lick my wrist. 

“Okay…” I said looking down at him.

The good feelings lasted the rest of the day, I even put back the whiskey. Liam pointed out that I seemed happier.

But of course, like the kiss, it had to end. I went outside to my large pool and dipped my feet in the water. My head felt soaked, just like the tips of my jeans were. I felt another tide of sadness rush through me. I took a huge drink of whiskey and pulled out my phone to dial Harry's number. 

_ Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring…  _

No answer. I didn’t bother leaving a message, there was no need. I set my phone down on the rocky pavement and cried for a few more minutes.

_ I don’t want to live anymore…  _

_ I don’t want to be a failure like this anymore… _

_ They don’t need me… _

_ They can sing without me… _

_ He’ll get over me… _

_ Who’ll really miss me?  _

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, knowing it would likely be my last. I jumped deep into the water, unmoving and not breathing. 

  
  


_ I’m done. _

I stayed down there for a few minutes. I was too weak to move, but that’s when it hit me. A final wish that I could stop what’d I’d done, that I could’ve gotten through it. I was in the hands of fate now.

I heard a splash behind me and felt two strong arms pulling me back onto the ledge on the pool. I opened my eyes and stared at none other than Harry.

“H-Harry… I... I’m so sorry…” I started crying again and coughing up water. He cradled me, holding my cold wet body against his. I felt his warm tears in contrast to the cold water.

“Harry… please don’t cry for me.” 

He took a deep breath and whispered in my ear. 

“I love you, I couldn’t stop crying even if I wanted to.” 

He picked me up and with a little difficulty brought me back inside the house. He laid me on the couch. “Niall, you’re cold.” He said, my head was still dizzy from everything.

“Y-yeah…” I said, looking up at him. 

He left me for maybe 30 seconds and grabbed a couple of towels. He sat on the couch with me, wrapping the towel behind our backs. 

Seemingly out of nowhere he reached over and hugged me. 

“I thought I’d lost you…” 

“How did you know…?” I asked, my head still bent down in despair.

“You called me at 11, something had to be wrong, I called and texted you but you didn’t answer. So I left the store I was at and drove here. I saw the back door open and… I’m just glad I came when I did.” He hugged me tighter as if afraid I’d slip away. 

“Me too…” I whispered.

After a minute or two of us cuddling on the couch, he said to me.

“We should change, these clothes are soaked.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket.    
“Also, do you have any rice?”

“Ah, I’m sorry, I’m such a mistake aren’t I?” 

He seemed to glare at me for a second. 

“What’s a phone compared to you? I can buy another phone, I can’t buy another you.” He kissed my forehead. 

“Yeah but…” 

“Niall, listen to me, I don’t know who put the idea in your head that you’re worthless, but let me tell you, you’re one of the best people I know, I’m not just saying that. You dying would mean a part of me dying as well.” He said, every word filled with as much emotion as a human could put in them. It was the nicest thing anyone had said to me in years. 

“Let's get you some dry clothes.” 

“Please don’t go anywhere, I don't think I can be alone right now.”

“Well at least take those off,” He blushed a bit. “I mean… uh.” He stuttered awkwardly.

“You’re such a pervert Harry,” I said, the shock and numbness starting to wear off. “Well you’re right, it’s probably bad for me.” 

I took off my soaked shirt and dropped it on the ground. He smiled and gave me a blanket. I blushed a little, mostly confused by how fast it had all happened. I stripped myself and wrapped myself in the blanket. Then, I laid back on the couch. 

“Do you have anything for me to wear?”

“Yeah,” I said, sitting up. The blanket lifted itself, showing my thigh. I could've sworn he was looking. 

“I’ll get you some rice” I picked up the mostly empty bag of rice and dropped his phone inside. 

“Now clothes… this way” 

I brought him to my room and opened the closet.

“Anything you want,” he nodded at my words and picked a nice top and some black shorts.

He took a step toward the bathroom to go change and I reached out and grabbed his arm.

“Hey, I said you weren’t allowed to leave.”

“Well now, who’s the pervert?” He said, smiled at me.

“At least look away,” he said, still smiling.

I pretended to look away, but the whole time I kept stealing glances of his perfect body. 

Before long, he finished and looked at me. His eyes were hypnotic, but just then I got an overwhelming rush of exhaustion.

“Harry… Mind if I sleep?”

He gave a little shrug and just watched me lay down, head against the pillow. 

I closed my eyes and quickly felt cold again. 

“Hazza… I don’t feel good, do you have anywhere to be?” I said, sounding so pathetic even to my own ears.

“No…” I felt a warm body lay beside me. He was facing away from me, but the compulsive desire made me reach out, pulling him closer so my body held his, just like how he’d held me.

He chuckled a little. 

“Dirty Boy” I felt it in his voice, he loved it. I wrapped my arms around him, even naked and scarred, he still wanted me. The feeling pushed all my demons far away. Before I knew it, I was asleep. 

I only slept for about 4 hours, I woke up and jolted up pretty quick, the memories and flashbacks of earlier hitting me hard. I moved enough to wake Harry. 

“S-Sorry Hazza…” He wiped the sleep from his eyes. 

“Don’t be. In fact, I’m glad I could wake up to you.” He said, looking into my heart. 

“Did you like that kiss Niall?” he said, sitting up and turning to face me. 

His lips got close to mine and I felt my heart race, shaking me out of sleep and into reality. Our saliva mixed into a new flavour. 

“mm~,” I said, smiling at him. “You taste good.” Time seemed to slow and we were there, just us. And all I wanted was him, every inch of my body wanted and needed him.

“I want you bad,” I said, licking his neck and biting the collar of the shirt, like an animal trying to take it off. He put his hand under my chin, tickling me gently. 

“Don’t worry,” He leaned in and licked my neck. “You’ll get your fill” 

He licked down my back, stopping at my ass.

“But, I’m disgusting! are you really-” I was cut off by my loud moan as he licked inside me. His soft tongue fluttered inside me while he ate me. His tongue was clearly just a warning of what's to come, it only made me hornier.

“Oh lord, Hazza… fill me, please. Do me so hard, I forget my own name.” 

“Damn Ni, you know we don’t have protection..."

“Oh… so?” I turned around and began to pull at his pants. 

He let out a deep chuckle. “You really are a dirty boy aren't you?” 

He took them off and let me see him. He showed off his large dick. 

“I never realized how big you were” I looked at it, my hunger growing. He thrust it up some, so I could get a taste of him.

I licked him and shuddered at the taste.

"Aw someone scared?" He said tauntingly.

"No!" I leaned down and sucked him, my tongue playing with the foreskin and reaching as far as I could. I sucked hard on him, desperate to please him. The taste was amazing, I only let go because I couldn't go any further.

"Mm~" Harry moaned a little when I stopped. The sound alone made my dick start to drip with pre-cum.

"Not bad," he smiled and looked down at my dick.

"Pre-cum already? We can't have that" he reached his hand down and grabbed my balls. He squeezed me tight and the need surfaced. It felt so intense, needing to cum, but being unable to. I fell back as he squeezed me repeatedly. The room was filled with my breathy moans.

"Ah~!" He finally let go of me and took off the shirt. He straddled me, both our naked bodies touching. He leaned down and kissed me, our dicks touched as he did. It sent out a burst of lust strong enough I came on him. He didn’t seem to mind, he kept kissing me and thrusting his strong hips into my body. When the kiss finally broke, he grinded against me. I let out a sweet little moan. 

“Please… Do what you have to, it’s maddening,” I said, desperately. He put his fingers inside me, opening me wide enough to fit himself. 

“Ha...Hazza…” I moaned, I knew it was only his fingers, it was so much though, I knew he’d destroy me.

“Hm?” His sweet low voice reaching my ears. 

“I’m ready.” I held my ass high in the air. He slowly went in, my cum acting as a lube. 

I slowly started to sit back on him, moaning more the deeper he got.

“Come on, little Slut, ride me, I know you want to” 

“That's right, Harry!” I said through gasps of air “I am a Slut! I'm your little Slut!” I proclaimed loudly before obeying his wish. I thrust up and down until the pain was too much. 

“A-Ah~” I moaned as he slipped in as far as he could. 

“Moan for me Nailler, scream it out, and I'll reward you.”

He sunk his teeth into my shoulder from behind and slid his dick around inside me. 

“A-Ah!” I moaned breathily. “Haz! Ah~” I was almost shouting from the sexual pain, still, I savoured it. I felt him cum inside me, the gush of liquid weakened me and I leaned back on him. Any resistance I had left was gone as laid on him. I was his personal toy. 

He wrapped his hands around my dick and began to jerk me off. I couldn’t do anything to stop him, but I didn't want it to end. He kept going, thrusting me and jerking me off until he was only half hard. At that point, he pushed me forward so I was on my hands and knees. He slowly took himself out of me. I moaned again when he left and I collapsed on the bed, my ass raised high on display for him.

Even without him inside me, the warm feeling he gave me couldn't be erased. All the pain I'd felt had been melted and replaced with this perfect man. 

I couldn't help myself, I took two of my fingers and slid them up. I was so sore and wet, but I still fingered myself. The liquids coated my fingers as I pulled them out. Harry grabbed my hand and pushed my fingers up to my lips. I opened my mouth and tasted our mix. I sucked it all off as fast as possible, moaning as I did. He lifted my head and made me sit up and look at him. 

As gross as I was, he leaned forward and kissed me. He sucked hard on my tongue, as the taste of our love and lust filled my mouth. 

“Hazza… Ah, I love you.” I said when our kiss broke. 

“I love you too,” He paused. “No matter what you think of yourself, nothing could stop me from wanting you.” He licked my chest.

“And no, Ni, I’ve never minded the scars.” He said as he licked the large one on my chest. I couldn’t help but cry. The overwhelming range of emotions had finally caught up to me. My tears had never felt so freeing and powerful. He noticed pretty quickly and began to lick them off my face. 

His green eyes met mine and he smiled. “Stop your crying, baby it’ll be alright.”

“Please never go away…” I said, hugging him tightly. 

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” 

He smiled and opened the window. Much to my relief, no one was there, but there was a beautiful sunrise. 

We sat there cuddling, watching the sky go from dark blue to bright orange. 

“I’ve never watched a sunset like this before.” He said, pulling me close to him. 

I smiled at him. “Me neither.”

I leaned on his bare chest until I fell asleep.


End file.
